Manchester City: The brazen hussy

Psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall, a former academic at Cardiff University, predicted that Monday 19th January would be the most depressing day of the year, and my god he wasn’t wrong. Not only did Manchester City’s highly publicised bid for Brazilian playmaker Kaka fall through after the club failed to reach an agreement with A.C. Milan, but Robinho went AWOL and we also signed Craig Bellamy. In Manchester it never rains, it bloody pours.

I loathe Bellamy. There’s something undefinable about his face that I cannot abide. Maybe it’s the permanently aggressive, yet slightly bemused, expression of a man who feels wronged by the world, which is perhaps understandable, given that he has no neck. I too would be angry with life.

Bellamy’s arrival has polarised City fans into two distinct camps: those who revile him and never want to see him in the sacred sky blue shirt, and those who believe that his direct style and wholehearted approach to the game will benefit a City side currently languishing in 11th place in the Premiership. Needless to say, I’m in the former camp. He falls into that select band of footballers that you never want to see at your club, alongside the likes of Lee Bowyer, Alan Smith and Ashley Cole. Ah well, he’s here now and as such will have my full support, albeit through teeth clenched so hard that they may grind to powder in my mouth.

Just to invoke my ire further, we’re paying over the odds for him; £14m seems an excessive fee for what is essentially a journeyman striker. I’d say he’s had more clubs than Jack Nicklaus, but the analogy seems a little inappropriate after his assault on then team mate John Arne Riise with a 4-Iron. Local charities must be nervously awaiting confirmation of rumours that the club will now have to cancel any future charity golf days, just to be on the safe side.

At least we can look forward to some of his interviews, which are invariably entertaining, albeit unwittingly. Whilst covering the story of his transfer to City, Sky Sports News wheeled out some classic footage of an interview that led to him being transfer listed by Newcastle, after a fall out with then manager Graeme Souness. "Not only has he gone behind my back…", he stated incredulously, "…but he’s done it in front of my face and on live television". Eh?! What the hell do you mean Craig?! Great stuff.

Meanwhile the collapse of the Kaka deal resulted in much ridicule from both the media and rival supporter’s alike. "You tried to sign one of the greatest players in the world!", they chortled. Oh, the shame and humiliation. The very fact that we got as far as the negotiating table, and came close to pulling off what would have been an amazing coup, is testament to how far we’ve come in such a short space of time. I don’t recall any other club getting as near to prising Kaka away from his beloved Milan as City did.

I have full respect for Kaka’s integrity, as even such a lucrative contract couldn’t lure him away from the San Siro and the Rossoneri fans he holds so close to his heart. Or at least I did, until he starting making "come and get me" eyes at Real Madrid less than 24 hours later, the brazen hussy.

Still, we won’t lose any sleep over it. We’ll just get him in summer instead. Arf. As Garry Cook deadpanned, "it doesn’t deter us from what we are trying to do. If we don’t get Kaká, it is not the end of the world. We have got Craig Bellamy". It’s reassuring to see that our self-deprecating humour has filtered through to very top echelons of the club. You were joking Garry, right?

Ric Turner
www.bluemoon-mcfc.co.uk

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